Ravi pulled up his hairs and screamed on the top of his voice; no I can’t accept this anymore. Obviously he became utterly upset with his world. It is a very dangerous and precarious situation as we know. People in this world often come to a situation more or less like this sometimes when you cannot tolerate certain habits and behavior of friends or family members or when they cannot adjust with the environment around. More serious is the situation when we cannot accept ourselves.
“Accept yourself, love yourself, and keep moving forward. If you want to fly, you have to give up what weighs you down” says Roy T Bennet. We are what we are, endowed with certain glory and sometimes with definite drawbacks which we ourselves dislike. In any case we have to accept ourselves with all our flaws, inadequacies and weaknesses. Even when we are on to the job of correcting ourselves we need to continue to appreciate the goodness and talents within us and love ourselves. This in fact is meant by self acceptance. “Accepting yourself is not about giving up or settling, throwing in the towel NO.Accepting yourself is about having your own back and never abandoning yourself “ reminds Chris Carr.
Acceptance of kith and kin
There is an old saying that it is not our differences that divide us. It is our inability to recognize, accept and celebrate those differences. When our wavelength does not meet that of others around us, we simply show our annoyance and dismay. Many occasions will arise in life when we cannot cope up with others’ behavior, thoughts or ideologies. This simply is the mosaic of life; each individual is made up of different stuff and varied attitudes. We need to embrace all of them to the extent possible.
Martina Mcbride’s beautiful words are very relevant here: “I think we should all be tolerant of each other and embrace each other’s strengths and differences and uniqueness and beauty”
Acceptance of world realities
Acceptance of life realities has nothing to do with resignation; it does not mean running away from the struggle. On the contrary, it means accepting it as it comes, with all the handicaps of heredity, of suffering, of psychological complexes and injustices says Paul Tournier. Those amongst us who have some experience in swimming in sea know you are never to stand in the way of the striking waves with your chest wide. Such kind of a crude resistance can break your chest cage. Instead what we have to do is to accept the incoming wave and at the same time cut it down stooping below the waves and ride back ashore on the back of the next wave! Life’s troubles and tribulations are not different. You have to accept and maneuver. “We must be willing to encounter darkness and despair when they come up and face them, over and over again if need be, without running away or numbing ourselves in the thousands of ways we conjure up to avoid the unavoidable.” Says Jon Kabat
One has to understand that such acceptance is not a withdrawal out of fear, compromise, resignation or an act of defeat. Acceptance is acceptance with all its demerits; chin up to face the realities of life. You never asked for it but it is happening somehow and let it be. The need of the moment is to boost up our courage and devise means to respond effectively and efficiently so that the impact will be minimal. Just like the waves we discussed earlier, we learn to face.
“Resilience is accepting your new reality, even if it’s less good than the one you had before. You can fight it, you can do nothing but scream about what you’ve lost, or you can accept that and try to put together something that’s good.” Says Elizabeth Edwards.
Goodbye to sufferings
Painful experiences are a part of human life. Most of these we cannot do away easily. But we need not prolong our sufferings. One has to accept the realities of life and with that kind of an understanding that all these are fundamental laws of nature; a magical cure happens and you are able to see everything in a new light. You begin to understand, your experience never allowing you to be trampled there under.
Let us understand this better with an example. Suppose we had to be diagnosed by doctors for some serious ailment. This is definitely going to cause so much of worry and tension. We tend to remain anxious and may even start panicking. Frustration also may creep in. One may turn to be an angry man and may get irritated fast. You begin to think why God has allowed a situation like this to me. When you are in this kind of agony do not forget God. Wash out all those negative feelings adding acceptance to the scenario.
Accept the reality instead of giving vent to negative feelings. We need now more energy to recoup our body resistance to counter the threat.
Simply relax. Cool it .You are upset and sweating let your mind wander a bit. Start a small prayer and relieve tensions from our exhausted minds.
What is paramount is how you perceive and respond to that situation. Acceptance is the ice water you pour on the red hot iron. It soothes you and calms you. What more you are eventually able to lead a happy life.
Set the mood for Acceptance
- Accept everything that happens to you over which you have no control and what is inevitable. Accept your own weaknesses and drawbacks. Accept your family members and friends with all their blemishes and inadequacies.
- Squat down alone somewhere and start saying your prayers, read your Holy Books .Go for a walk in the nature. Thank God for all the wonderful gifts he gave you. Relax your body and mind. You would start looking at the world realities and draw tremendous power to face them .Tell yourself that you can overcome this situation as you did in the past.
- Read Books detailing the experience of people who overcame crisis in their life through patience and acceptance.
- Listen to people who have gone through trials and tribulations in life and how they faced them boldly.
- Record your own experiences for the sake of others.
The above activities would enable you to focus on getting rid of your pain and agony.
Remember the words of Joseph Campbell “The first step to the knowledge of the wonder and mystery of life is the recognition of the monstrous nature of the earthly human realm as well as its glory, the realization that this is just how it is and that it cannot and will not be changed. Those who think they know how the universe could have been, had they created it without pain, without sorrow, without time, without death, are unfit for illumination.”
Once you have accepted whatever is happening and started believing that God has planned everything for your ultimate glory you would stop complaining forever.
About the Author
Jose Vazhuthanapilly, BSc., LLB, DBM, CAIIB Retired in 2008 as AGM from State Bank of India. He had worked as a visiting faculty in the Bank’s Staff Training Centers for 5 years. He is a writer with 20 books to his credit including books on self-help/ psychology. He resides in Ernakulam, Kochi. He is active also in social service. He can be contacted at Josevazhuthanapilly@gmail.com
- Prasangakarkkulla Kadhakal – St. Paul’s Books, Eranakulam
- EQ – Vyakti Jeevitham Mikavuttathakkam – Sophia Books, Calicut
- Atma Viswasathinte Karuthu Nedam – Sophia Books, Calicut
- Mano Sankharshangale Keezhadakkan Chila Prayogika Margangal – Media House, Calicut
- Vijayam Ningalude Ullil Thanneyanu – Vimala Books
More from Jose Vazhuthanapilly:
- Can you laugh at yourself?
- Do You Need the Magic Wand of Perfection?
- What Parents Need to Know About Peer Pressure
- Foreseeable Clouds of Divorce
- Laziness and hidden signs of Avolition
- Are Women Better Leaders?
- Resilience: A Ticket For Survival
- What Trauma Does To A Child
- Is Promiscuity A Good Idea?
- A Tool to Gain Emotional Stability
- Laughter Is No Joke, Seriously
- Is Happiness A Country Trait?
- Give The Youth A Dream To Live For
- The Need To Enliven Your Creativity
Image Credits: pixabay.com