“I am a 27 years old woman and married to an amazing person for the last 8 months. A couple of months into the marriage I realised that I am not into men but attracted to women.
It’s not like I had no idea about this fact before, but I always thought that it would go away once I get married and have children. I was afraid of admitting this to anyone, including myself. Now I want to get out of this marriage but I also don’t want to hurt my husband. I am stressed, lost and clueless about what action to take. Please help.”
Recognising and understanding our true identity is part of our growing up process. The reason you were ashamed to admit openly about your sexual orientation is because we are brought up with hetronormative notions of sexuality. Which is to say that society accepts a man-women relationship as normal and anything other than that is considered a mental health disorder. These are deeply ingrained into our psyche. This brings about emotions of shame and immorality. Their notions of right and wrong compelled you to follow the norm of the society – which is to get married in a hetrosexual structure.
Please know that you will feel stressed and anxious as long as you lead an inauthentic life where you have to hide your true self every minute of the day.
So here is my suggestion – Please have an honest talk with your husband. Calmly and gently explain to him about your sexual orientation. Secondly, confide in a friend or sibling about this. Someone who will be supportive. After you have divulged this secret, you would have to wait for your family and friends to accept this aspect of you. Expressing and talking about it will go a long way in finding your path and being happy. But do know that this is going to be a long and difficult road to traverse. But there will be light at the end of this proverbial tunnel.
I wish you strength.
Sasha Shruti Varma is one of the leading Psychotherapists in India. She is a licensed practitioner in India and the UK registered with the British Association of Counsellors and Psychotherapists. As a practitioner of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and Dialectical Behavioral Therapy, she likes to combine the principles of Yogic Philosophy in her psychotherapy work. Sasha is also a leading Trainer and Coach for Emotional Intelligence in the corporate world.
If you have a question for her please write to us on email@example.com.