Are You Ready to Wake Up to Your True Self?
When you showed up on planet Earth, you arrived with an unlimited array of gifts and strengths like no one else’s. A crazy sense of humour, disarming honesty, wisdom and insight, unstoppable imagination, a passion for running outdoors, a deep love for animals. You were born in the fullness of your heart’s joy and freedom and truth.
If you’re like many of us, though, you may have discovered very quickly that it wasn’t acceptable to express all the wild wonder you came in with. In a matter of months, you may have learned that your family members and the culture around you didn’t embrace you unconditionally. They may have been critical and judgmental of your fearless ways. (“Sweetheart, you’ve got to sit still or I’m gonna lose my mind!”) They may have tried to control you. (“No, you can’t have anything to eat right now. You know we don’t snack between meals!”) Whether it was intentional or not, they may have been abusive and cruel. (“If you get out of that chair again, I’m gonna use my belt on you!”)
There you were – a tiny, tender, defenceless creature – completely dependent on others for survival. What did you do to feel loved and protected? Chances are, you learned a new way of being, one where you could feel approved and safe. Much of the authentic self you came to share went underground and in the name of survival, you began to hide your truth.
What would it mean to you, to have an opportunity to reclaim the original truth you came to this life to express? When you feel deeply into who you are today and who you long to be deep in your soul, do you feel a disconnect? Do you feel that somehow you’ve lost parts of who you really are, that you’ve lost elements of your authentic self?
If you feel that pieces of you are missing, how did they get lost?
For many years I was afraid to express how I truly felt about my life and how I was seen and treated by others. And, most importantly, I wasn’t in touch with how I saw myself.
I rarely got outwardly angry at others; I was scared to death I’d be abandoned. Instead, I imploded on myself through overwork, trying to rigidly control my environment, and being depressed. These were some of the ways I went to sleep to my truth, so I wouldn’t have to face my pain.
The first person who helped solidify my pattern of hiding my true self was my father. I’m not blaming him; I’ve come to accept that he loved me and was doing the best he could. Because of his wounding, however, he was very demanding, critical, and emotionally manipulative. When I was growing up I wanted nothing more than to make him happy, and I often did this at the expense of my own identity.
When I became an adult I married a man who, like my father, lived with an extraordinary amount of unresolved hurt. He often tried to mask his pain through controlling and “powering over” me. I continued to bury my true self as far from the light as possible so I could feel safe. Again, I’m not blaming my husband for my choice to hide my truth. Through my long relationship with him, though, my comfort with being asleep – being cut off from my authentic self – became deep and profound.
After decades of living divided from my truth, how did I reclaim it?
Through a gradual emotional/spiritual waking-up process, and in the company of caring and trustworthy community, I began to practice releasing my fear of being judged and abandoned. I started to embrace unconditional love and acceptance for myself. The more I was able to trust my heart, the safer I felt and the more my original gifts and strengths re-emerged. I came to know that I am way more than enough in the fullness of my heart’s joy and freedom and truth. In fact, my true self is absolutely unlimited in the life energy it brings to our world.
The transformational news is that you can wake up to your truth as well. If you’re weary of faking it, of being depressed, or struggling with feeling cut off from who you truly are, there’s another way to live. There’s a relational path you can choose to rediscover the wild and unique truth you were born to express.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
Ellen Antill is a shamanic guide and counselor whose approach to healing is a potent blend of learning from her personal/professional experience, her master’s degree in sociology of women, and her ongoing study of Ka Ta See. Ka Ta See, which means “thriving in balance from the heart,” is a shamanic tradition of healing and storytelling that originated in Peru more than 30,000 years ago. It is a way of being that is based on unconditional love and acceptance for yourself and others.
Ellen lives in Santa Fe, New Mexico. She invites you to contact her to arrange your free discovery session, to learn how you can wake up to the truth of who you are and everything you want in your life.
(Copyright © 2018 by Ellen Antill. All rights reserved worldwide.)