“I am 33 years old and dated this guy for about a year. Then on an impulse we decided to get married 2 months ago. I am at an age where I feel it’s the right time for me to have children but now I am unsure that my current husband is the right person to have kids with. This is because he wants to live like a teenager so I question his ability to be a responsible father and I do not feel the same way about him any more as I once did.
What do you think? What should I do?”
First of all, taking such a big decision about your life (such as getting married) on an impulse tells me that you are going about your life based only on your emotions.
When we live our lives using only our emotional mind, while disregarding our rational as well as our wise mind, we end up making decisions that make us feel good in the moment and but unfortunately do not serve us in the medium and long term.
So, I feel you need to learn a little about impulse control.
Now, what does your wise mind tell you? Why were you in a relationship with this person to begin with? What has changed? Relationships need work everyday and they are certainly not a fairytale where things just automatically happen and we go on to live some happily ever afters. There will be ups and downs in life. Can you choose to go through these cheering each other on and being each other’s pillar of strength? Then stay and work it out. Divorce/leaving is the easy way out. Staying and making it work needs work and growing up for both the partners.
Please talk it out and take this decision, before you choose to have children. Mentally healthy children require a healthy and supportive environment.
Sasha Shruti Varma is one of the leading Psychotherapists in India. She is a licensed practitioner in India and the UK registered with the British Association of Counsellors and Psychotherapists. As a practitioner of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and Dialectical Behavioral Therapy, she likes to combine the principles of Yogic Philosophy in her psychotherapy work. Sasha is also a leading Trainer and Coach for Emotional Intelligence in the corporate world.
If you have a question for her please write to us on email@example.com.