Is that sweet lady living alone? | Jose Vazhuthanapilly

World over a new trend is emerging. Educated ladies do not wish to pledge their freedom to live the way they like and undergo the rigors of marriage. They want to live all alone as free birds and travel independent. Let us try to find what makes them think differently especially in a country like India Pakistan and Nepal where marriages are considered a holy affair and an assured and guaranteed path for glorious living. Many of our ladies are becoming more independent these days because of a steady job and source of income. Another reason is that there are no more stigmas attached to this kind of living and you don’t get too many people to raise their eyebrows on the issue. Many other factors like fear of losing shape and beauty after delivering a child and inability to take up household chores like cooking, rearing kids etc also play a role here. The emerging new trend especially in urban centers is that you can order your food on line and get a maid to do your cleaning. 

Lone Living is now global

In the last twenty years in the US, Germany and Norway the number of girls choosing to live all alone has gone up by three times. Living alone has become a norm of the day in the UK. Solo living rates are increasing throughout the world. The trend is catching up very well in Europe, with Denmark holding the flag; where you find a little less than 50% of the girls choose to make a living all alone. In countries like Ireland, Portugal, India etc where there is more of religious influences rendering the institution of marriage being held in high esteem, the percentages are less. Nonetheless on account of frequent breaking up marriages etc have been prompting ladies to take a decision to dither from the path of marriage.

In many of the developing countries, because of all round development of education, job prospects, more and more people have chosen to live alone. People there also have of late, become affluent and in a better position where they can look for their freedom and true independence.

Mandy Hale philosophy of life

Best-selling author and motivational speaker Mandy Hale is the creator of the social media movement for freedom loving ladies called, “The Single Woman.”  With a heart to inspire single women to live their best lives in this world and to never to yield before male domination , Mandy cuts into to the soul  with her inspirational, motivational , frank, witty, and sometimes wildly humorous take on life and love. Mandy’s message reached literally millions of women across the world. Being a thoroughly appreciated author it would be proper for us to take a glance at her views on how a lady can liberate herself.

God created angels on earth. Every lady is his incredulously beautiful accomplishment.  Try to understand yourself and be proud of the fullness of beauty in you. Never feel you are endowed with any inferior capabilities. Tell yourself that you are unquestionably charming, luring and beautiful, and you deserve a good deal for yourself.

She warns the ladies “You’ll learn, as you get older, that rules are made to be broken. Go against the grain, refuse to conform, take the road less traveled instead of that well-beaten path. March to the beat of your own drummer”

She reminds being single is no longer a lack of options – but a choice. She then makes very strong statements against those subservient and timid wives, who wait to take orders. “A busy, vibrant, goal-oriented woman is so much more attractive than a woman who waits around for a man to validate her existence.”

She invites every lady to avail this opportunity to live life single on their own terms and not apologize.
In her fascinating book she says ‘Happily Single’ is recognizing that you don’t need or want to be rescued from your life by a handsome prince because your life is pretty awesome, as is. There are some places in life where you can only go alone. 

Problems faced in lone living

Living alone is more risky in developing countries, because there’s paucity in the supply of essential services, facilities, convenient stores and infrastructure to support smoother solitary living. For instance in India your neighbor may be too inquisitive about you and may be some may not even appreciate your style of living. All these experiences may shore up your feelings about the single life, sometimes causing frustration, fear and discomfort.

Thefts and plunders 

Living alone ladies need to choose a home in a decent locality only. Special care must be taken to well protect your house. Install an efficient home security alarm system, emergency lights, cameras etc. It is better to have the contact numbers of your good neighbors. Never give publicity for the fact that you are living alone.  You should have the telephone numbers of local police and the office bearers of the flat/ complex where you are staying. Try to remain in perfect physical health .Some training in self defense is useful. You should also carry pepper sprays while travelling and keep some weapons handy at home.

Solicitors for unwanted friendship

An important lesson for those of you attempting to live alone is to kill all attempts from others for creating unsolicited friendship. Someone has stated ‘Be grateful for your singleness. It has made you strong and independent and unflinching in your unwillingness to settle. It has protected you from wrong men and forced you to take risks and taught you the value of your own company. It has given you the space and grace to become exactly who you are.’

Having to take care of taxes, electricity etc.

A person living alone may sometimes find it very difficult to pay the taxes and arrange for payments for services like electricity, gas, water etc.  In case of elderly people who are compelled to stay alone will have greater difficulty for all these. 


Living alone, let it be anywhere in the world, is fraught with risks. The feeling that there is nobody around to take care of you or to help you is indeed a very disturbing state of affairs. We humans are always in a craving need of other humans for company. It’s therefore a psychological need and in the absence of this they are more prone to depression and other mental-health problems if they live on their own. In a study of nearly 3,500 mid-aged men and women, researchers in Finland found that 25% of people who lived alone were more likely in the requirement of antidepressant drugs. Living alone may be considered a mental-health risk factor,” say experts.

As compared to men, women are inclined  to be more sociable with  more intimate  friendships beyond their  romantic ties  and hence do not feel all that lonely  when they sour up with their dear ones. However even in case of other close relationships when there is disconnect, women may feel extremely isolated socially and experience unbearable high levels of loneliness. 

Sick conditions and healthcare

There are a number of drawbacks to living alone concept. Sudden sickness like a stroke or heart attack can become problematic unless you have someone to call and take you pronto to the hospital. This is one kind of insurance a normal family enjoys. Immediate medical attention is sometimes very crucial especially when you are totally immobilized.

Recent studies noted increased health problems among people who live alone; they become more susceptible to sick conditions. It is there for necessary to move to community living once your age and health is on the wrong side.

Travelling to select places

Be a bit choosy about your tourist destinations. Always stay in a decent hotel in a proper location. Avoid travelling at night etc through areas where you have less police protection.

Your innermost desires

“The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair. The beauty of a woman is seen in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart, the place where love resides. True beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul. It’s the caring that she lovingly gives the passion that she shows & the beauty of a woman only grows with passing years” is what Audrey Hepburn has to opine.

Do you need to be thinner, prettier or more successful to be worthy of someone else’s love or approval? You got to have the courage to stand for what you think is important in life. Be honest with yourself, and don’t compromise and settle for mediocrity because life is for living and not for suffering.

You can pursue your own ambitions without someone saying no to your dreams. You can be a person you want to be, not essentially what your ‘hubby’ would have expected. Some women choose to follow their spouses’ dreams. You are always in a dilemma which way to go; this simply doesn’t work for you. Too many women fall   into romance and marry in haste, because they’re afraid of that insecurity of living a loner and eventually this pushes them into making compromises and losing their individuality and identity. Living alone is definitely a better idea than being shackled with a wrong man.  There are women who say “Most men don’t know how to deal with a woman who doesn’t need anyone to validate your existence”

Many faithful wives spend time always trying to put on a pretention that they are happy, a pleasing personality, and they are keen to satisfying every need of the hero. And you get tired of this act. “You are not single because of an attitude problem. You’re single because some men have a problem with strong minded women. Women who aren’t afraid to call bullshit when they see it! You’re single because you’ve yet to find someone who is willing to understand why you are the way you are.” says New York author Reuben Holmes.

As a loner you can enjoy life in your own way go visit the cafes, parks and restaurants, and meet people with different perspectives, culture and beliefs. 

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Jose VazhuthanapillyBSc., LLB, DBM, CAIIB Retired in 2008 as AGM from State Bank of India. He had worked as a visiting faculty in the Bank’s Staff Training Centers for 5 years. He is a writer with 22 books to his credit including books on self-help/ psychology. He resides in Ernakulam, Kochi. He is active also in social service. He can be contacted at


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