Almost every woman dreams of it. Being able to balance it all and fulfill her purpose. And with the women empowerment waves reaching its peak in the last couple of years, the desires of women to create an impact in the world is stronger. It’s no longer just about celebrating women on women’s day. It is 365 days a year. Yet, most struggle with even the basic to-do list such as waking up on time, sticking to a proper fitness regime, a good nutritional plan, managing the house, finishing errands, taking care of the kids (if you have them), being there for family and friends and the list goes on. To get to fulfilling our purpose requires clarity of what you are here to contribute to the world and seeing it through every day. Once that goal is in your sights, the rest of the stuff such as to-do lists in your life can be designed around it. If you have kids, add that in as a goal and have everything created around it.Ask yourself what is priority number one, two and three. The rest all falls in place.
The ultimate dream of millions of women around the world is to have the freedom and space to express herself through her work. Women use the to-do list as the reason why they cannot and will not allow themselves to be seen and heard out in the world. Your work can be your voice, your goal is your soul’s purpose and the impact you create in the world by being an entrepreneur can be a deeply fulfilling experience. But if you remain stuck with fussing over the to-do list, and catering to the expectations of everyone around you, you are creating massive inner barriers that are hiding your true potential.The to-do list is your best excuse, best distraction, the best reason why not, best demotivator, best stealer of imagination and best creative capacity destroyer. Now, I leave it up to you, how long you want to hold onto this as the reason why you won’t become a powerful woman entrepreneur. And we haven’t even begun to scratch the surface.
Women make the best entrepreneurs. Studies have shown that women naturally switch faster between tasks, we are calmer when doing multiple things in quick sequence and on average we spend a little more time in organizing tasks in our heads before impulsively jumping in. All great qualities to have when you want to start a business of your own. In addition to this, what qualifies us a little better than men, is the emotional intelligence quotient. We tend to be more honest about the business, we take humanity as a major factor in our business dealings, we understand the value of creativity and relationships in business. So if women are so awesome, what really stops us from being that powerful and potent entrepreneur and why aren’t enough of women choosing it?
Some of the external reasons are that it has not been aspirational choice for young girls as there have not been enough women entrepreneur role models, women fear that they will be taken less seriously as compared to men, they feel a lack of confidence in managing the financial aspects, they may not trust and be able to rely on people to start something and there isn’t much guidance and information available for women to choose it. If there are enough conversations as to why women make some of the most powerful entrepreneurs, there can be a radical change. The good news is that the number of women entrepreneurs around the world is increasing every year. So the tides are turning.
So let’s look at that area which has to do with not just being an entrepreneur, but a woman entrepreneur. In a patriarchal world that is slowly collapsing but yet alive today equally due to men and women contributing to building barriers against women rising, a woman entrepreneur has 3 big blocks to get past. These barriers have been created and kept in place down the centuries unconsciously enrolling every woman into its web. Those who break through these 3 barriers create a massive impact in the world with their voice, presence, and work. Once we pinpoint these barriers, it is amazing how aware we become if they are in other areas and how they actually melt away in minutes. Identifying and releasing these 3 barriers can become your greatest secret to embodying the feminine energy and not just becoming a dynamic woman entrepreneur, but an inspiring human being. Before we get into the secrets, let’s take a look at the belief systems in place that keeps women debilitated and unable to get past the inner barriers of being an entrepreneur at all.
Shame and Guilt
Shame is who you are and guilt is what you do. In most eastern countries there is deep shame associated with being born a girl. Many choices are closed to women and they are made to feel guilty for choices they aren’t supposed to make. Shame and guilt are some of the strongest barriers for women to overcome and can lead to fear of isolation or abandonment if not succumbed to. In the west, although the barriers are not that deeply cultural, there are things that girls are not supposed to do. They can be made to feel ashamed for it or for not fitting into societal and media pressure to be and look a certain way. All of these barriers are not just internal, they stem from outside in and can break the spirit of a woman.
To be an entrepreneur requires a woman to step into formerly a man’s world and excel, to prove to herself and the women who come after her that this is truly possible to break through these self-imposed and society imposed barriers. Becoming “shameless” and “bold” is a potential and not a weakness. Dealing with shame and guilt becomes a vehicle for fulfilling a life’s purpose through entrepreneurship, it also demands a version 2.0 from you with new software updates and bug fixes to deal with relationships, money, body, health and the world we live it. Not a bad way to thrive huh? There has to be a willingness to be called names, a receiving of prejudice and adulation alike, knowing that neither is you and these are all merely the inner projections of people themselves. They are telling you more about who they are, where they come from and what their mindsets are with their positive and negative judgments. You endure on, unfettered by anyone else’s opinions. Once you begin to taste the freedom, space, opportunity, choice, respect, and impact you have in the world, you wonder what your life was like before you overcame these barriers.
The secret: Imperturbability.
Say what? Being unperturbed. Being zen. Being like an expansive placid lake that creates a tiny ripple when someone calls you names and goes back to being placid again. Not being at the effect of anything or anyone. Staying so focussed on being that dynamic woman entrepreneur with so much to do out in the world, that it needn’t matter where you came from or who says what. The capacity to create a phenomenal life, business, relationship, and finances is up to you and has always been. Get real and aware of who you are and what you are capable of. And start to make your way through it. Get so busy that everything seems trivial in comparison to what you can create in the world. So, what’s your priority?
Feelings of Lack
Where simply by our birth, there is a sense of being lesser than. Not just in comparison to men. But just lesser than. To underestimate our own potential is almost an illness now and a frequently recurring one. Feelings of lack can range from “I am not enough” to “my life story is so boring, who would want to hear it”. To be low key and playing small is our residential safety zone where we think we can remain in control. But what ends up happening is that we never move out and expand and discover our unlimited potential to create streams of businesses that can bring a massive change in the world. Truth? You may actually always have this thought of never enough. But having that thought it does not make it true. It’s just a centuries-old un-updated story that the mass populous still buys into, yet it does not make it real.
Ask any entrepreneur. Men and women alike. They actually have a lot of this in their universe. Elon Musk was asked recently if he ever feels fear. And he replied, all the time. For women entrepreneurs, maybe breaking through a masculine dominant field can seem daunting, but here again, what appears to be a lack will actually show you where your potential lies. Anything you fear you lack is where your destiny lies. If you ever want to learn how to move past all inner barriers, become an entrepreneur. These barriers surface one after another and it becomes a quick familiarization process for you to get to know yourself. Then breakthrough every barrier. The wealthiest can people feel poor. The healthiest people can feel unhealthy. The skinniest person can feel fat. Feelings of lack have nothing to do with our reality. They are simply feelings. You either choose to believe them or get past them. If you give any credence to feelings of lack, they become the biggest stumbling block to your very existence. Not only would being an entrepreneur becomes impossible, add having love, relationships, money, family, etc to that list. So you come to a point where you have to make a choice. Start to identify those barriers within that are stopping you and make those changes. Once you get those in your awareness, you will know when they are interfering again if and when they show you. Simply choose to get past and keep your larger goal in view.
The Secret: Being stubborn
Really. Here is where you being called stubborn all your life comes of use. It is never a bad quality to have. Stubbornness becomes a problem if applied against you. When you start to use it for you, then your entire world shifts around. Get really stubborn about your goal. Stubbornness is probably the only quality that can match the feelings of lack and change you from being self-sabotaging to unstoppable. It can be called being determined or purposeful, basically like a bulldozer. Interestingly, when you get purposeful (stubborn), these feelings of lack still do show up sometimes (they are determined that way), but now it makes no difference to you and seems just like some idle chatter in your head that can be brushed aside and that is our final end goal. To get stronger, more powerful and larger than these thoughts, to go out and truly create something great in the world.
Isolation and connection
One of the greatest fears of millions of women around the world is being isolated and unsupported. In India, women have been taught that they cannot be without a man. She is taught to lean on a father, husband, brother or son. And in order to have some attention out in the world, women have felt the need to compete with each other instead of creating a space for everyone to succeed. The fear of isolation and lack of connection and support is a barrier to women choosing to be entrepreneurs. They feel alone in their pursuit, and along with feelings of lack within themselves and shame, you can see why women would not be able to step up. Women have also never been taught to be alone. We have always been told that we need a relationship. And there is nothing wrong with having a relationship. But it must be from choice and not compulsion and need. It should be a want and not a can’t-do-without. Many women fall for this trap and end up in abusive relationships for the fear of not having one at all without it. Even being in a relationship, women feel isolation.
If you have never been taught to be alone (not to be confused with lonely), it’s never too late to learn. Whether you are in or out of a relationship, whether you are working or having a small business, or are a student or a mother, learn to be alone and spend time with yourself. Carve out me-time every single day. For at least 2 hours a day, do something that is exclusively for yourself and does not include anyone, not even your kids. If it is being fit or doing art or taking hobby classes or meditation or healing or doing service to another, making this an exclusive time for yourself. You will get to know yourself better and begin to have the confidence that you can make it on your own and yet you at this point in time, you choose to be with someone. But that fear of isolation begins to diminish over time as you get better acquainted with yourself.
Take it a step further at some point and take a 2-day trip by yourself. Read books, swim, take a hike, stare at the clouds in the sky, write, create, and nourish your soul. You will learn so much about yourself and really how cool you are! All of this contributes to getting over isolation and loneliness.
We cannot become successful entrepreneurs without solid support. In this desire of support from others, we end up making errors with the kind of association we have with people. We assume that women we have been friends with for years, who “get us” will be the best support as an entrepreneur, when in fact they may be able to contribute to us better as supportive friends. Women entrepreneurs who have been around much longer and are in a place in their lives where they want to contribute to upcoming women entrepreneurs, are the best support you can have. Look out for them and connect or learn from them. They give you an accurate idea of the landscape you will need to navigate as you start your journey. Have other known women role models as inspiration. Read up about them and what did they do to overcome their inner barriers. There is more than enough information and guidance in the world if you know what to look for and where.
The Secret: Tribe Building
Instead of choosing friends, start to look for women who have similar goals as you, are already establishing themselves as entrepreneurs or are successful at it and connect with them. If you start to create with other women in a similar stage as you, you can have the best support system to be successful. Creating a tribe of women that can contribute to your creations, to you as a woman, to you as a potent and talented being, to you as a creative force are all the various areas you can have strong connections with. Once you start to fill yourself up with love and have that connection with other women in your tribe, isolation will never be a problem again. And of course, it also counts to have supportive men in your tribe who truly know you and see what you are capable of and continuously invite you to greater choices. Please know that it is ok to be choosy about people. It is ok to not want to associate with people with whom the connection is not contributive, it is ok to leave some people behind and it is absolutely ok to be a little selfish. With what you have been doing all your life with your to-do list and including everyone, if it didn’t get you off the ground as an entrepreneur, maybe it’s time to make some changes in how you do this to-do list.
Immediate Action Steps to being a powerful entrepreneur:
- Have total clarity about your goal. If there is more than one, put it up on a wall and let it play around in your head for a week. The one that pulls you the most is mostly your destiny.
- Do not share any information or plans with anyone. Not your family nor friends. Choose for yourself only.
- Research, study, read, ask questions, make notes, understand, be updated. Use all your smart devices to feed you constantly about what it is you want to do. Leave no stone unturned.
- Talk to experts in the field, start connecting to people on various platforms, meet them, make associations and start to draw out a plan.
- Make the launch. This is where you need closed trusted people around you for support.
- Network and always look for an opportunity to grow. Ask if you are truly contributing to a need of people.
- Don’t be afraid to fail. Each failure is a chance to relook at how better to do something. It is one of the strengths of a powerful entrepreneur. Failure does not threaten them. Make it your ally.
- Start building your tribe and contribute to each other and support each other in growing.
- Most of all, have fun!
Author: Aditi Nirvaan
Aditi Nirvaan is a Therapist, Coach, Facilitator, Energy Intuitive and Artist. She has studied Positive Psychology, Mind-Body-Eating Psychology, Feminine Power Transformative Facilitation, Meaning and Valued Living, Mindfulness and Meditation, and Holistic Nutrition. Practicing and teaching various therapy and healing modalities since 2005, Aditi is known for her clarity, compassion, deeply transformative work, generosity and is a pillar of strength for her clients and participants. She conducts programs online and in live workshops as well as private sessions with her clients from all over the world. From 1998 to 2006, she’s also worked in the corporate world, with companies like Tata-AIG, Star TV, The Oberoi Hotels, Times of India and KLM Royal Dutch Airlines in Marketing.
She is an Artist, Writer, Potter and Paragliding Pilot. She specialises in,
- Mid life Awakening/Crisis
- Unburdening ourselves to move through life with a sense of lightness in mind, body and soul
- Making the unconscious conscious with shadow work
- Authentic relationship with ourselves and others
- Mindful living
- Creating your life from Meaning and Purpose
- Body Image and Self Love
- Dealing with Depression and Addiction
- Relationship Recovery