The Magical Maxim for Super Success in Man-management
Once, I asked a question to a group of managers who were the participants of one of my H.R training classes:
“Who do you think is the most important person to you”?
“My mother”; came the reply from one young man.
“My husband”; said a young lady undoubtedly.
“My sweet wife”; replied another person.
“My little son”, was the answer from another lady.
There were many different answers to my question but, I was not satisfied with these replies. After a silence for some time, a young lady stood up and said; “I feel I am the most important person to me”
I congratulated her and said that this was the exact answer I was expecting. Actually, I was trying to draw the attention of the participants to a golden truth. Every person wants to be important, wants to nourish and nurture the feeling of importance. A person’s, greatest emotional need is to be accepted and appreciated by others, to be considered as an important person.
According to the famous psychologist, Abraham Maslow, the desire for recognition is very strong in human beings, maybe in varying degrees. The famous US philosopher Prof. John Dewey once said; ‘The deepest urge in human nature is the desire to be important.’ The great motivational writer, Dale Carnegie emphasized this point by these words; ‘The desire for the feeling of importance is one of the chief distinguishing differences between mankind and the animals’.
Every human behavior is actually motivated by a desire to be important. If one amasses money and become rich, It’s for satisfying his desire to be important. If one runs after fame or power, it’s not for anything else but for satisfying his urge to be important. As the famous Canadian psychotherapist and the proponent of the famous theory ‘Transactional Analysis’, Eric Burne pointed out; ‘The hunger for positive strokes is so severe in all persons that it will motivate them to accomplish even difficult tasks’.
If you are aware of this psychological fact, you can manage and motivate people very successfully. Managers can inspire their employees to improve their performance considerably. Companies can become more reputed and profitable by treating their customers as important as kings, as Mahatma Gandhi advised. Parents can inspire their children better and teachers can impart self-confidence and courage in their students. When you make others feel important, you will naturally become an important person to them also. Your relationship with others around you will be wonderfully warm and harmonious spreading the shine of happiness on every face.
But, what is really seen today? Managers fail to recognize their subordinates, neglect to appreciate their good performance and even hesitate to have a patient listening to their opinions. Teachers are more used to blame and punish their students than to praise and encourage them. Children feel that they are not loved and accepted by their parents properly. Research has shown that children receive more negative strokes than positive strokes every day. Our indifference and indolence, in a way, de-motivate our children or subordinates. Practically we fail to tap the large potential dormant in them.
We surely need an attitudinal change, a paradigm shift in our thinking. We should have a clear understanding of the basic human psychology and the practical ways of motivation. Above all, we should try to remember the magic maxim for man management; make others feel important.
How to make others feel important?
There are many ways to make another person feel important depending on the situation or the individual. Eleven practical and natural ways are presented below for making an individual feel important.
- Ask his advice
When you ask a person an advice on an important matter, he feels that he is acknowledged as a person with more knowledge and experience than you on the matter. It will make him feel like an expert.
- Remember his name and use it.
As Dale Carnegie advised; ‘Remember that a man’s name is to him the sweetest and most important sound in any language.’ So always try to remember his name and use it very frequently in conversations with him. If you happen to forget his name, he feels that it is because you are not giving importance to him.
- Compliment him
Every individual is in a strong hunger for appreciation. So compliment him whenever you get an opportunity and do it sincerely. As the famous author Jack Canfield said; ‘A state of appreciation is one of the highest vibrational and emotional state’.
- Talk less and listen more
Control your natural tendency to talk and try to listen to him with genuine interest and enthusiasm. This will encourage him to talk and lift his feeling of importance. The famous American author and motivational speaker, Robert Schuller remind us of the real reason for not listening; ‘Big egos have little ears’.
- Show respect to his opinions
Never tell him that he is wrong. Show respect for his opinions, even if it Is against your opinion. The former US Senator and 45th Governor of New York, Herbert H. Lehman rightly advised; ‘Learn to be open-minded and respectful to people’s opinions even when you don’t agree’.
- Quote his Words
When you are quoting his words in conversations with others, you are showing respect for his knowledge and wisdom and this will make him feel delighted and elevated
When you happen to see a person, even at a distance or in a group, smile at him and express your interest to meet him. As the former Singaporean member of parliament and famous political activist, Dr. Chia Thye Poh pointed out;’ ‘Smiling speaks to people charmingly without saying a word’. Your smile is a warm acknowledgment of his presence and it radiates love and joy.
- Direct the conversation to a subject of his interest
You can direct your conversation to the topics of his interest. Let him talk about his own accomplishments and achievements while you show genuine interest to listen.
- Touch the person naturally
Touching makes people feel more connected and intimate. If the person is very close, you can hug him warmly or pat on his shoulder when you meet him. If you are not so much intimate you can give a friendly shake hand at least. Remember that touch is a powerful language, the language of love.
- Pay full attention and eye contact, avoiding distractions
During conversations with a person, don’t talk to others or over the phone, or watch TV or text on your mobile. Don’t distract your attention to other things around you. Don’t allow yourself to lose your eye contact with him.
- Remember his birthday and send birthday greetings
A person ’s birthday is an important day for him. When you remember that and send greetings without fail, he feels that you consider him as an important person in your life.
Leo Burcaglia, the famous American author and orator and former professor at the University of Southern California and also known as Dr. Love, once said; ‘Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, listening ear, an honest compliment or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around’. He actually reminds us of the importance of making others feel important. Mary Kay Ash, the founder of the three hundred million dollar – a year cosmetic company and a very successful business magnate, revealed her secret of great success in her famous book ‘Mary Kay on People Management’; ‘No matter how busy you are, you must take the time to make the other person feel important”. If you can remember this magical maxim, you can be enviably successful in your life and profession.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
Dr. JOHN MUZHUTHETTU is a Human Resource Consultant, National Trainer, and Counselor. Formerly he was the Deputy Chief Engineer, Kerala State Electricity Board and is still working as an external faculty of HRD Programmes of KSEB. He is also a faculty of Department of Management Studies, Mar Augusthinose College, Ramapuram, under M.G.University, Kerala. He is the PG course co-ordinator of MHRM.
He is a columnist in several Magazines, like ‘Business Deepika’, ‘Creative Business’, ‘Donbosco’ etc. His articles have been published in many magazines and journals. His several speeches have been aired by All India Radio. His interviews on various subjects have been telecasted by Power Vision TV . He is the author of five best-selling books:
- ‘Stress-Manassasthra- Aathmeeya Pariharangel’. (Current Books, Thrissur) 4th Edition
- Vijayiyude Vyakthithwam (Current Books, Thrissur)
- Jeevitham Santhushtamakan, Nithya Yauvanam Nedan.(css,Thiruvalla)2ndEdition
- Emotional Intelligence-Jeevithavijayathinu (CSS, Thiruvalla)
- Vijayarahsyangal (Current Books, Thrissur)
As a trainer, he has conducted more than a thousand seminars and workshops for teachers, parents, students, executives and others, on several subjects like Stress Management, Time Management, Personality Development, Emotional Intelligence and Spiritual intelligence for Excellence, Communicative Skills, Assertiveness, Motivation, Study Skills, Effective Parenting, Counselling Skills etc. He is an external training faculty of Power Engineers Training and Research Centre of KSEB. He is an external faculty of IMG Cochin. He is also the Secretary of Upasana Cultural Centre, Thodupuzha.